I’ve totally abandoned this. But fear not, old dusty tumblr of mine; I’m suddenly inspired to write again. It’s cool to read my old posts and say “damn that’s how I felt huh?”
So what is up with me lately? Same answer I would’ve told you if you asked me a year ago: work, school, and bullshittin. Ahhh my life. I must say, not so much of the bullshitting though. I’ve definitely calmed down, maybe too much. It’s getting kind of boring actually… I need to change that. Seriously. I need to re-introduce excitement in my life. I need a change of pace, I need to meet new people, I want to travel EVERYWHERE. Sigh, unfortunately my circumstance hinders me from doing so in the mean time. That’ll change though. I just need to handle business for now but I just gotta remind myself sometimes that I’m not a robot and there’s more to life than working and going to school& that I WILL make time and effort to squeeze fun back into my life.
I just realized how I ghetto I talk in person which really makes me seem dense lol but if you really knew me I’m far from dense. Maybe I should practice speaking more “proper” with my peers, because I sure am good at it with people I feel have a sense of authority over me. Which is really weird I know but I don’t know why I do that either. New task I guess is learning to carry that over in “real” life.
Whenever I drink too much, I lose all sense of self-disclosure. It’s like a verbal diarreah free for all. It’s really embarrasing, I need to stop that… fuck.
Seeing your face literally makes me cringe, even just a glimpse. Good thing you’re not a factor in my life anymore, because I hate you. I’m not even a bitter bitch, but this runs deep.
But the good news is that I’m down 5 pounds. Holla.
Every once in a while, I watch or read something inspirational that wakes me the fuck up from my monotonous trance comprised of endless family, school, and work bullshit. I realized that I could do better. I can do better. I WILL DO BETTER.
I have 6 weeks to make things count. By the end of it, could either be miserable, or happy as hell. I chose the latter.
Wake up, good morning.
Lol for real.
Oh I’ve been doing so good with my daily jog/walk routine. Since we can’t condense all of our breaks into an hour break like before; I now use my first 15 to eat my lunch, my 30 min to jog around the campus, and I rarely do a last break since I don’t really need it. Office jobs are so fucking chill and I love it! I’m buying my ticket on Friday which makes me hella excited and nervous at the same time. I really need to lose at least 20 pounds by then… fuck.
- I don’t hate relationships, I just don’t ever feel like I’m ever ready enough for one. (And trust me the “I’m too busy” line is NO JOKE. Squeezing a relationship within 2 jobs and going to school full time is IMPOSSIBLE. How the hell am I supposed to commit myself to someone when I barely have enough time to sleep.)
- I kinda feel bad on how I treated him so badly. I swear I must have been a boy in my past life, because I am really cold hearted. No man has ever pursued me so heavily before, no man has ever made me feel that special before. But I just couldn’t commit. I’m sorry.
- Having my heart broken really fucked me over.
- I was reading my old diary 2 weeks ago and omgosh. I wrote like 2 years worth of material about a particular man, lol fuck. I even read about dudes I used to talk to that I forgot that I talked to! LOL and out of EVERYONE… Al was the FUCKING HOTTEST. Damn, I wonder what happened to him?
- I miss getting super zooted, and I get jealous of people who can.
- Acne, I fucking hate you. I’m too old to be breaking out.
- For the past year, my life revolved around making money and saving it.
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ON EVERYONE’S “TOP FRIEND” ON FACEBOOK WHENEVER I GO TO SOMEONE’S PAGE? I KNOW IT’S RANDOMIZED, BUT DUDE, YOU’RE ALWAYS THERE. PLEASE GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE.
Why are you tripping for Janea? He ain’t shit.
- Fee fee
I love my kmhu cousins.
This year is going by too fast! I can’t believe the year is half way over. I know I sound like a real loser but the most that I’m looking forward to is W O R K I N G! I need to stack something serious this summer because my vacation plan is gonna cost me a whole lot. I don’t know why I’m feeling chicken shit about asking my boss for two weeks off in August. But I need to get that done ASAP. As a matter of fact, I need to finally grow some balls and do that tomorrow.
- save at least $2000
- Get an A on my English class ( I need a B or better for nursing)
- Jog during my lunch break. one time around the perimeter at my job is about a mile.
- Do 30 min cardio exercise when I get off work
- Never be late for work =)
- Lose 30 pounds. This is really my ultimate goal.
- Work at least 40 hours a week. calculating it, now with both jobs combined I’ll be doing 46 hours a week at the least.
- Accomplish all of the said goals while maintaining a social life. =)
I love writing a goal/plan list. It gives me a better sense of accountability to push through with the shit that I need to get done.
And what am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re okay?